


I'm Not Your Number One

by Selmis



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Break Up, Cheating, I'm Sorry, M/M, Sad, Sad Alex, but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-21
Updated: 2017-06-21
Packaged: 2018-11-17 00:35:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11264316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Selmis/pseuds/Selmis
Summary: Alex knew John didn't love him.He did once, though.Lately, it had only been Lafayette this, Lafayette that.One day, Alex sees them together at Starbucks.And he knows, things will never be as they once were.





	I'm Not Your Number One

Alex knew John didn’t love him. He did once, though. Yeah, that was good times. Alex wishes for those times to come back, wishes for the time with holding hands, forehead kisses and happiness. He wished. A part of him knew it would never happen. The last month John had only talked about Lafayette. “Lafayette always cleans the dishes spotless. Lafayette always asks me how my day have been. Lafayette never forgets to eat so I have to take care of him, Lafayette this, Lafayette that.”

John always left to be with Lafayette, he spent more time with him than with Alex.

“Hey John, where are you?”

“What? I’m at Laf’s, I left you a note on the fridge.”

“Oh sorry, I didn’t see.” Alex moved to the fridge. “Uhm, there is no note on the fridge.”

“There isn’t? Oh, sorry, I most have forgotten to hang it there.”

“Okay.”

“Uhm, okay? Yeah, I’ll see ya.”

“Yeah. Are you home fo-”

John hung up.

John was slipping away. The one person Alex loved was slipping away. Right in front of his eyes. And there was nothing he could do about it.

All Alex’ thoughts were confirmed when he saw them at Starbucks.

It was a normal day, Alex was alone, John was with Laf. Alex, like so very often, felt the need for coffee. He went to the closest coffee shop, a Starbucks just at the corner of the street. As he stepped in the door, his ears immediately caught the sweet sound of John and a heavy French accent.

“Who are you texting, _mon chéri_?”

“Mm, no one.” John said with a playful smile but didn’t look up at Laf.

Alex ordered his coffee and his curiosity got the better of him. He sat down at a booth so he could hear their conversation, and see them if he stretched his neck. They couldn’t see him, not that it mattered since they were so caught up in each other.

“Hm, do not ignore me, _la douceur.”_ Laf snatched Johns phone out of his hand.

“Laffff!” John whined, but Lafayette just laughed and held his phone higher. John tried reaching for it, but Laf stopped him by pressing a firm hand against his chest.

“Ah, ah, ah.” Laf tsked and gave him _a look._ Something changed in John’s expression It suddenly got serious and even seductive. John slowly moved closer to Lafayette, who was watching with hungry eyes. John climbed onto Laf’s lap and brought their faces as close as possible without touching. He reached up and behind Laf and grabbed his phone. For another second, they looked each other in the eyes, so close that their breath was shared.

 

John slowly climbed off Laf and their conversation continued like nothing had ever happened. Alex packed his things as Laf pointed at something on John’s phone that made him Laf. Alex remembered when he was the one who made John laugh like that.

Alex had lost all hope. Hope. That was a funny thing. It didn’t exist. It was merely a feeling, something to hold on to, and yet, you needed it. Alex needed it. But it wasn’t there. It had abandoned him. Like his father when he left. Like his mother when she died. Like John would.

And how could he even blame them. He would also have left a hopeless person like himself. It was hard for him to hate Lafayette, but he still felt it. The hatred. But not only for Lafayette, also for himself. If he couldn’t even hold on to John, the most important person in the world for him, what could he hold on to, then?

He texted John when he walked into the apartment: _When will you be home? <3_

The answer came suspiciously long after, considering how John had just sat with his phone two minutes ago. _Idk. When would you like me to be?_

_Whenever you feel like it <3 I’ll make your favorite food?_

_Mmm! I’ll be home in an hour._

Okay. John was easy to make food for. His favorite was sushi, but he normally settled with any soup, as sushi was either too complicated or expensive. Alex made soup out of whatever they had in the fridge. This time, it was sweet potatoes, carrots, and Jerusalem artichoke.

John walked in the door with a big smile, still laughing at something Laf said.

“Oh,” he said. “What are you making?”

“Soup?”

“Oh. I thought you made sushi.”

“You normally say that soup is the best since sushi is so complicated.”

“You could have bought it…”

“Or too expensive.”

“Lafayette bought me sushi for lunch last week.”

“Well, I’m really sorry that I don’t have a giant inheritance from France like _Lafayette_!” Alex suddenly couldn’t contain his anger. “Do you even _love_ me anymore John?!”

“What? Alex what is this?” John asked confused.

“You don’t care for me! You spend all your time with Lafayette! Maybe you should move in with him so you can have your sushi and champagne every night!”

John looked shocked. “Alex, what on _earth_ are you talking about? You know I lo-“

“Don’t. don’t lie about that, you really shouldn’t. Look, John, I don’t think you love me. I think you love Lafayette. You can only make me change my mind by looking me in the eyes, right now, and tell me you love me.”

John stood and looked Alex in the eye, but not a word was spoken. Now, tears were forming in Alex’ eyes.

“That’s what I thought.” Alex said in a broken voice.

“Alex…” John took a step in Alex’ direction.

“No, John. You should go.”

“What?”

“I think you should go. I don’t want you here, you can get your stuff later. I don’t blame you either. You don’t decide who you love.” Alex’ voice broke at the last word. John didn’t even cry. He took a backpack and stuffed it with the necessary equipment. He walked out the door.

Seeing John leave that easily made Alex break down. Tears were flowing free. Sobs were echoing in the apartment. He felt the sudden need to break something and grabbed the nearest object, which happened to be the knife, he had been cutting vegetables with and threw it in an anger fit.

He curled in on himself and lay down on the ground. Sobbing. He had no one. He had ruined everything. With John, left his friendship with Laf, which probably meant Herc as well. His closest friends. All gone, like were they separated by a war.

That evening, Alex fell asleep on the floor, wishing that he would never wake up.

**Author's Note:**

> i regret writing this


End file.
